Post by Rofy on May 12, 2006 5:33:58 GMT -5
OK people, this is my first fic in English and here I am, sharing it with you.
This work is dedicated to several people. First, andij44, you are the greatest. Thank you so much for being my beta and helping me with this. Then, angelofshadows, Luli thank you for your unconditional support and for being so sweet; thank you for your wise words and for bearing with me this entire time. But I don't forgive you for the Panda hug! *Rofy's still pouting*
And how could I possibly forget about Shiderevkop?
Rafa honey, this fic also dedicated to you. Thank you for your funny e-mails, your stories and our very intellectual conversations on the messenger.
Finally, to all of you who get to read this, I hope you like it and please, be nice with me because this is my firs time… *giggles*
Title: Fix me
Author: Rofy
Disclaimer: WaT is not mine. *pouts* I just play with the characters for a while so I can make them do what the writers would never make them do. (Wait till chapter 17 and you'll understand more)
Rating: Mmm… good question. I guess most of the chapters are safe enough for everyone to read but there are two or three that are not. I'll let you know.
Spoilers: Fourth season but Marty is not in drugs!!
Extra info: first let me tell you that like agent Taylor said in American Butterfly, "No deep talk in here". That means this is just a silly not so little fic. It's not angsty and you won't cry reading it. but I do hope you can laugh with some things I wrote *fingers crossed*.
It's already finished because since I don't usually know when I'm gonna be able to write, I decided to just write it and then post it so I won't mind about the updates and just for you to know, it's a 22-chapter fic. (The funny part is that originally it was a one shot…)
Summary: Well, let's see. It's summer, it's hot, broken air conditioning, Danny kicks a dog, some girls want to be 'handled' by Marty, Sam finds Martin's after shave, Victoria and her secrets make an appearance, Jack turns out to be an adventurer, Victor sees something interesting, Viv is always wise and loves ice cream, Elena is hanging around, someone thinks Danny is a metrosexual and Paula and Lisa go to eat lobster. Yep, that'll do it.
_______________
Fix me.
Chapter 1- "Wall Street yuppies".
The moment Danny and Martin stepped into the elevator they rested against its surrounding walls.
"Man, when are they going to fix the air conditioning? I don't mind not having cool air, but the damn thing is spitting hot air in the middle of July. It's like hell in here! I'm melting!" said Danny with an angry voice.
"Okay, don't overreact, will you? I'm sure they're already trying to fix it, by the end of the day it will be working, trust me," said Martin in a calm tone.
They went all the way down to the parking lot. The ice-cream shop was only a block away from the building, but they had no intentions to walk.
Once in the shop, Danny seemed to turn his child mode switch on. Martin was amused with the way Taylor behaved in front of a big pot of ice-cream.
"Okay, okay, Danny. Easy, easy man,” said Martin trying to calm down his almost jumping friend.
"So, Sam wanted chocolate with crisps, right? Viv strawberries, Jack vanilla, Elena American cream, how 'bout you?" asked Danny looking at the pots, drooling over them.
"Mmmm…I think I'll have chocolate with crisps too,” said Martin remembering the moments of fun he and Sam had shared with that flavor.
"Okay, then I'll have vanilla and chocolate,” said Danny to the girl who was wearing a micro mini skirt with a tank top and a smirk on her face after witnessing the Latino agent drool all over her just like he did the ice-cream.
When the guys were on their way to the car with the precious pots in bags, five dogs came running from nowhere and ran between Danny's feet almost making him fall to the ground. In the middle of the struggle for freedom and keeping the pots safe, Danny kicked a dog unintentionally, making the poor animal cry.
In the mean time, Martin couldn't move because he was all cracked up. The sight of Danny's clumsy movements trying to get rid of the dog without dropping the ice cream was simply hilarious.
But in that moment also, a very old lady, with grey hair, glasses, wearing a yellow dress and white, flat shoes appeared.
What Martin and Danny failed to notice was that she also had a cane.
"You miserable young man, what are you doing to my dog?" she yelled.
But before Danny could answer…
Thud!
The woman hit Danny in the head with her cane.
After that, she kept hitting him with her purse.
Danny wanted to defend himself but there was no way he could do it. After all, “it's an old lady.” He thought.
By this time, Martin went to his friend's rescue.
"Please ma'am, stop it. Agent Taylor had no intention to kick your dog he was jus…"
But before Marty could finish his sentence…
Thud!
A Louis Vuitton landed violently on his forehead.
"Hey, stop it! Please!" Danny yelled at the old lady. "We're Federal Agents; we can arrest you for aggression." He said in a threatening voice…
…only to see the cane rising again.
But this time he was faster and jumped backwards, missing the dangerous weapon for inches.
This gave Martin time to step backwards too and avoid a future smack.
The two men looked at the woman as she threatened them with her cane and her purse.
"You punks, you think you can fool me with the FBI thing? No way! Federal Agents happen to be gentlemen. You must be two Wall Street yuppies, always thinking you can run over the whole world. Shame on you!" she said before fixing her hair and walking away from Danny and Marty.
Without first realizing it, more than one person was looking at them with a disapproving look on their faces…plus, near twelve secretaries and assistants from the office, all girls, all young and pretty, all with very few clothes and, of course, all smiling.
"It can't get any worse than this, right?" Danny asked Marty.
"Actually, the ice-cream is melting…" whispered Martin completely blushed looking to the ground.
Silently, they got on the car and drove back to the office.
Jack, Viv, Elena and Sam were playing poker next to two fans.
Jack had taken off his jacket and his tie and while with a hand held the cards, with the other held a can of freezing soda on his forehead.
Viv was only in a camisole and slacks, like Sam and Elena, and she was fanning herself with the cards, not caring if anyone could see them.
Sam had tied up her hair in the weirdest bun ever. She had made it with two pens and a rubber band and well,…she looked like she had had a fight with the comb…and the comb had won.
And Elena. The poor girl was next to one of the fans, with her hair in a ponytail, resting her forehead on the table feeling like her life was literally, melting away.
"I wonder what is taking so long for those two to come back with the ice cream. By the time they get here they'll bring nothing but…well, the thing in what the ice creams turns into when it melts,” said Jack, in a tired, bored, lifeless tone of voice.
In that moment, Danny and Martin walked in the bullpen.
"Oh my God! What happened to you two?" asked Viv with real concern.
"You don't want to know. Trust me." Said Martin handing in the pots.
Danny had a red cheek and a bump on his forehead.
Marty had also a bump on his forehead, an emerging black eye, and a swollen lip.
"No way. You're speaking and you're speaking now." Said Jack and the guys just knew that there was no way they could hide it.
They had talked about making up a story while they were on their way back but all those girls from the office had seen them; so, they knew that soon the entire building was going to know the truth.
The humiliating truth.
Their asses had been kicked by a grandma.
"We had a situation,” said Martin trying to look professional.
"Oh, c'mon Marty, that's what Jack tells us on the phone when he call us at 4 a.m. for a case. It's annoying. Please, say something different,” said Vivian.
Jack looked at her with an 'excuse me' look on his face.
"OK, we…were…you know…we had a situation, a…a problem….with, with a…a…citizen,” mumbled Danny.
"A what? What kind of problem?" Elena dared to ask.
Danny and Martin looked at each other.
Finally, Martin broke the silence.
"An old lady beat us up,” said Martin bravely.
Sam, Viv, Elena and Jack cracked up.
"Oh, please guys. Tell the truth. What happened?" asked Sam looking at them still laughing.
"It *is* the truth. An old lady beat us. Really, I mean it,” Danny said with vehement.
The four unscratched agents stopped laughing.
"You're kidding, right?" Jack asked with his trademark deadpan expression.
Neither Danny nor Marty answered. They just sighed and looked down.
"Oh-My-God!" said Vivian in her best 'Janice-the-girl-from-Friends' tone of voice. "An old lady actually got physical with you?"
"Danny kicked one of her dogs,” Martin trying to explain.
"You kicked a dog?" Elena asked incredulously. "What did the poor dog do?"
"I didn’t kick the dog, he just ran between my feet and while I was trying to get rid of him, I steeped on his leg or something…I guess,” whined Danny with a cute pout.
"You kicked the dog and then you stepped on the poor animal's leg? Danny!" exclaimed Sam, horrified.
"I didn't kick the dog!"
"Yeah, yeah. Then the owner came and saw Danny hurting the puppy and tried to defend him…by kicking us,” continued Martin, but when he looked to their audience he saw four shocked faces, even Jack was with a totally new expression on his face.
But it was Elena the one who voiced what was horrifying them.
"It was a puppy?" She said with a stunned expression.
"You kicked a puppy? Oh my God, Danny!" Jack said shocked. "That's it, you're having a talk with the guy that deals with the insensitive agents…the…you know, the one that tells you how to deal with people."
"What?! It wasn't a puppy, and I didn't kick him! For God's sake, Martin tell them." Danny begged his friend.
"Yeah, well, maybe it was not a puppy but it wasn't big…anyway, when we tried to defend ourselves she kept attacking us and when we told her that we could arrest her she was even more furious; she said FBI agents were gentlemen and that we probably were Wall Street yuppies. Then she left." Marty finished their story.
"So, let me get this straight,” said Jack wanting to get the full picture. "You," he began pointing at Danny "kicked an old lady's little puppy and stepped on his tiny little leg and when the owner, the poor old lady, came to rescue her little punched puppy, you attacked her and then you threatened saying you would arrest her? Man, what's wrong with you?"
Danny actually thought about arguing, but he soon realized that he would probably end up in a worse situation; so, he just said: "Yes, Jack, that's exactly what happened."
The four sitting agents shook their heads in disapproval.
This work is dedicated to several people. First, andij44, you are the greatest. Thank you so much for being my beta and helping me with this. Then, angelofshadows, Luli thank you for your unconditional support and for being so sweet; thank you for your wise words and for bearing with me this entire time. But I don't forgive you for the Panda hug! *Rofy's still pouting*
And how could I possibly forget about Shiderevkop?
Rafa honey, this fic also dedicated to you. Thank you for your funny e-mails, your stories and our very intellectual conversations on the messenger.
Finally, to all of you who get to read this, I hope you like it and please, be nice with me because this is my firs time… *giggles*
Title: Fix me
Author: Rofy
Disclaimer: WaT is not mine. *pouts* I just play with the characters for a while so I can make them do what the writers would never make them do. (Wait till chapter 17 and you'll understand more)
Rating: Mmm… good question. I guess most of the chapters are safe enough for everyone to read but there are two or three that are not. I'll let you know.
Spoilers: Fourth season but Marty is not in drugs!!
Extra info: first let me tell you that like agent Taylor said in American Butterfly, "No deep talk in here". That means this is just a silly not so little fic. It's not angsty and you won't cry reading it. but I do hope you can laugh with some things I wrote *fingers crossed*.
It's already finished because since I don't usually know when I'm gonna be able to write, I decided to just write it and then post it so I won't mind about the updates and just for you to know, it's a 22-chapter fic. (The funny part is that originally it was a one shot…)
Summary: Well, let's see. It's summer, it's hot, broken air conditioning, Danny kicks a dog, some girls want to be 'handled' by Marty, Sam finds Martin's after shave, Victoria and her secrets make an appearance, Jack turns out to be an adventurer, Victor sees something interesting, Viv is always wise and loves ice cream, Elena is hanging around, someone thinks Danny is a metrosexual and Paula and Lisa go to eat lobster. Yep, that'll do it.
_______________
Fix me.
Chapter 1- "Wall Street yuppies".
The moment Danny and Martin stepped into the elevator they rested against its surrounding walls.
"Man, when are they going to fix the air conditioning? I don't mind not having cool air, but the damn thing is spitting hot air in the middle of July. It's like hell in here! I'm melting!" said Danny with an angry voice.
"Okay, don't overreact, will you? I'm sure they're already trying to fix it, by the end of the day it will be working, trust me," said Martin in a calm tone.
They went all the way down to the parking lot. The ice-cream shop was only a block away from the building, but they had no intentions to walk.
Once in the shop, Danny seemed to turn his child mode switch on. Martin was amused with the way Taylor behaved in front of a big pot of ice-cream.
"Okay, okay, Danny. Easy, easy man,” said Martin trying to calm down his almost jumping friend.
"So, Sam wanted chocolate with crisps, right? Viv strawberries, Jack vanilla, Elena American cream, how 'bout you?" asked Danny looking at the pots, drooling over them.
"Mmmm…I think I'll have chocolate with crisps too,” said Martin remembering the moments of fun he and Sam had shared with that flavor.
"Okay, then I'll have vanilla and chocolate,” said Danny to the girl who was wearing a micro mini skirt with a tank top and a smirk on her face after witnessing the Latino agent drool all over her just like he did the ice-cream.
When the guys were on their way to the car with the precious pots in bags, five dogs came running from nowhere and ran between Danny's feet almost making him fall to the ground. In the middle of the struggle for freedom and keeping the pots safe, Danny kicked a dog unintentionally, making the poor animal cry.
In the mean time, Martin couldn't move because he was all cracked up. The sight of Danny's clumsy movements trying to get rid of the dog without dropping the ice cream was simply hilarious.
But in that moment also, a very old lady, with grey hair, glasses, wearing a yellow dress and white, flat shoes appeared.
What Martin and Danny failed to notice was that she also had a cane.
"You miserable young man, what are you doing to my dog?" she yelled.
But before Danny could answer…
Thud!
The woman hit Danny in the head with her cane.
After that, she kept hitting him with her purse.
Danny wanted to defend himself but there was no way he could do it. After all, “it's an old lady.” He thought.
By this time, Martin went to his friend's rescue.
"Please ma'am, stop it. Agent Taylor had no intention to kick your dog he was jus…"
But before Marty could finish his sentence…
Thud!
A Louis Vuitton landed violently on his forehead.
"Hey, stop it! Please!" Danny yelled at the old lady. "We're Federal Agents; we can arrest you for aggression." He said in a threatening voice…
…only to see the cane rising again.
But this time he was faster and jumped backwards, missing the dangerous weapon for inches.
This gave Martin time to step backwards too and avoid a future smack.
The two men looked at the woman as she threatened them with her cane and her purse.
"You punks, you think you can fool me with the FBI thing? No way! Federal Agents happen to be gentlemen. You must be two Wall Street yuppies, always thinking you can run over the whole world. Shame on you!" she said before fixing her hair and walking away from Danny and Marty.
Without first realizing it, more than one person was looking at them with a disapproving look on their faces…plus, near twelve secretaries and assistants from the office, all girls, all young and pretty, all with very few clothes and, of course, all smiling.
"It can't get any worse than this, right?" Danny asked Marty.
"Actually, the ice-cream is melting…" whispered Martin completely blushed looking to the ground.
Silently, they got on the car and drove back to the office.
Jack, Viv, Elena and Sam were playing poker next to two fans.
Jack had taken off his jacket and his tie and while with a hand held the cards, with the other held a can of freezing soda on his forehead.
Viv was only in a camisole and slacks, like Sam and Elena, and she was fanning herself with the cards, not caring if anyone could see them.
Sam had tied up her hair in the weirdest bun ever. She had made it with two pens and a rubber band and well,…she looked like she had had a fight with the comb…and the comb had won.
And Elena. The poor girl was next to one of the fans, with her hair in a ponytail, resting her forehead on the table feeling like her life was literally, melting away.
"I wonder what is taking so long for those two to come back with the ice cream. By the time they get here they'll bring nothing but…well, the thing in what the ice creams turns into when it melts,” said Jack, in a tired, bored, lifeless tone of voice.
In that moment, Danny and Martin walked in the bullpen.
"Oh my God! What happened to you two?" asked Viv with real concern.
"You don't want to know. Trust me." Said Martin handing in the pots.
Danny had a red cheek and a bump on his forehead.
Marty had also a bump on his forehead, an emerging black eye, and a swollen lip.
"No way. You're speaking and you're speaking now." Said Jack and the guys just knew that there was no way they could hide it.
They had talked about making up a story while they were on their way back but all those girls from the office had seen them; so, they knew that soon the entire building was going to know the truth.
The humiliating truth.
Their asses had been kicked by a grandma.
"We had a situation,” said Martin trying to look professional.
"Oh, c'mon Marty, that's what Jack tells us on the phone when he call us at 4 a.m. for a case. It's annoying. Please, say something different,” said Vivian.
Jack looked at her with an 'excuse me' look on his face.
"OK, we…were…you know…we had a situation, a…a problem….with, with a…a…citizen,” mumbled Danny.
"A what? What kind of problem?" Elena dared to ask.
Danny and Martin looked at each other.
Finally, Martin broke the silence.
"An old lady beat us up,” said Martin bravely.
Sam, Viv, Elena and Jack cracked up.
"Oh, please guys. Tell the truth. What happened?" asked Sam looking at them still laughing.
"It *is* the truth. An old lady beat us. Really, I mean it,” Danny said with vehement.
The four unscratched agents stopped laughing.
"You're kidding, right?" Jack asked with his trademark deadpan expression.
Neither Danny nor Marty answered. They just sighed and looked down.
"Oh-My-God!" said Vivian in her best 'Janice-the-girl-from-Friends' tone of voice. "An old lady actually got physical with you?"
"Danny kicked one of her dogs,” Martin trying to explain.
"You kicked a dog?" Elena asked incredulously. "What did the poor dog do?"
"I didn’t kick the dog, he just ran between my feet and while I was trying to get rid of him, I steeped on his leg or something…I guess,” whined Danny with a cute pout.
"You kicked the dog and then you stepped on the poor animal's leg? Danny!" exclaimed Sam, horrified.
"I didn't kick the dog!"
"Yeah, yeah. Then the owner came and saw Danny hurting the puppy and tried to defend him…by kicking us,” continued Martin, but when he looked to their audience he saw four shocked faces, even Jack was with a totally new expression on his face.
But it was Elena the one who voiced what was horrifying them.
"It was a puppy?" She said with a stunned expression.
"You kicked a puppy? Oh my God, Danny!" Jack said shocked. "That's it, you're having a talk with the guy that deals with the insensitive agents…the…you know, the one that tells you how to deal with people."
"What?! It wasn't a puppy, and I didn't kick him! For God's sake, Martin tell them." Danny begged his friend.
"Yeah, well, maybe it was not a puppy but it wasn't big…anyway, when we tried to defend ourselves she kept attacking us and when we told her that we could arrest her she was even more furious; she said FBI agents were gentlemen and that we probably were Wall Street yuppies. Then she left." Marty finished their story.
"So, let me get this straight,” said Jack wanting to get the full picture. "You," he began pointing at Danny "kicked an old lady's little puppy and stepped on his tiny little leg and when the owner, the poor old lady, came to rescue her little punched puppy, you attacked her and then you threatened saying you would arrest her? Man, what's wrong with you?"
Danny actually thought about arguing, but he soon realized that he would probably end up in a worse situation; so, he just said: "Yes, Jack, that's exactly what happened."
The four sitting agents shook their heads in disapproval.
