Fight Or Flight (Complete)

[Broni]

Hey guys I've decided once again that the only way to get fics planned, written and posted, was to jump straight in rather than sit on them and second-guess all my decisions. So here we go, another multi-chapter fic for you There will be another one to be posted shortly but I thought I'd start with this one.

As usual, I hope you all like it! And yes, this one will be more angsty than anything else. I apologize and hope you like it anyway

---

Title: Fight Or Flight.
Author: Broni.
Rating: R.
Spoiler: AU.
Disclaimer: Don’t own them.
Summary: Some things just can’t be forgotten, but can they be forgiven?

~*~

Martin checked the time on his watch once again, omitting a heavy sigh as he made a mental list of everything he still wanted to get done today before leaving.

He was due at the gym soon for a personal training session and was looking forward to it, but it was Saturday. He had a whole list of things he wanted to complete before Monday came around. So far, he had completed one of them: do the dishes. Aside from that, a pile of dirty clothes were still sitting on the bedroom floor and his work shoes were dusty thanks to an on-foot pursuit Friday morning.

All of that remained untouched and would remain that way until later that afternoon. It was a depressing feeling but putting it off was fine for now. It meant the afternoon would fly by.

Tying up his running shoes, he frowned as he heard whistling coming from the hallway outside his apartment.

He felt terrible knowing that someone had moved into the empty apartment next door to his and he still hadn’t gone over to introduce himself. The people in the building were friendly. When he moved in, many of them stopped him in the hallway or out the front on the stoop and had a conversation with him, introducing themselves and asking about him.

But he hadn’t done that so far. He felt terrible, but his job always kept him busy. It was a bad excuse but it was the only reason he had. Maybe now he should go out and say hello? Even though he wouldn’t be able to talk for long, just seeing their face and making them feel welcome would be good. He could always stop by later tonight. He knew where they lived.

He checked his watch and grabbed his gym bag, getting ready to head out. Ensuring the apartment was secure and nothing could burn or cause havoc while he was gone, Martin headed to the front door and headed out, ensuring it was locked behind him. Glancing up and down the hallway, he frowned as he saw the back of someone down the hallway near the staircase.

From what he could tell from this angle, it was a woman, but she was bent over staring down the staircase, whispering the name “Patches” rather urgently.

He walked up silently behind them, not wanting to startle them though having a feeling he would either way. “Hey there, need some help?” he offered.

When the person stood up to face him and he caught sight of the blonde hair, the smile quickly fell from his face. “Martin,” she whispered, her voice soft, almost like a gasp.

Martin was sure that his face showed perfectly the shock he was feeling at seeing her. She was here? What was she doing here? His heart leapt up into his throat and he knew instantly that today was going to be a bad day, and the one after that, and the one after that. She couldn’t possibly be his new neighbor… could she? Maybe she was visiting someone?

So many questions popped into his head, he didn’t know which one to think through first. He couldn’t manage to take his eyes off her, either. Her hair was long and golden, just as he remembered. Her eyes were a deep brown, still with those specks of gold around the pupils. Her skin was possibly a little bit darker than he remembered. The only way he could tell was that her freckles didn’t stand out as much.

What was she doing here? What was she doing in New York City? Did she know he was here? Was she tracking him down for some reason? What was there for them to talk about? He could only imagine what was going on that would bring her here. It was far too coincidental that she came here without knowing he was here first. It didn’t sound likely.

How was it that she was standing in front of him right now?

He certainly didn’t see it happening when he woke up this morning.

Martin didn’t even notice that quite a few silent seconds had passed between them, during which all either of them could do was stare at the other in stunned silence. Should he say something? Why should he? He wasn’t the one in the wrong with all this. She was the one who left. It shouldn’t be him to reach a hand out first and offer her the chance to explain.

There was no way he was ready for that, let alone today. “What are you doing here?” he finally breathed, knowing it was the stupidest thing he could say but it was all he could think of.

“I uh… I just moved here,” she breathed, her wide eyes not moving from him, moving over his form, much like his were to her.

“In this building?” he guessed with a sinking heart.

She nodded weakly motioning to the apartment door next to his. “Yeah, 3C. You live here too?”

“3B.”

Samantha sighed. “Right.” She offered him a small smile but he knew it wasn’t genuine. He knew her better than that.

He nodded towards the staircase, unwilling to ask her any of those questions rapidly firing through his mind. “What are you doing?”

“Oh, I was looking after Edna Rowsthorn’s cat and he’s run away from me.” She turned and checked the staircase again, but there was no cat in sight. “She warned me not to let him out.”

“He’s not a cooperative pet,” Martin explained with a knowing nod, glancing at his runners for the briefest of moments before his eyes leapt back up to her. “You’ll probably find him down in the laundry room.”

A light chuckle escaped her lips and he forced himself not to smile at the sound. It was once heaven to his ears. “You’ve looked after him before I take it?”

“Once or twice.”

“Thanks for the tip.”

He shrugged weakly, not taking her gratitude to heart. “Sure.” He cleared his throat softly. “When did you move in?”

“A month ago,” she explained. “I’ve only been living in the apartment for about a week. I was away on business, that I had to take care of.”

“Business,” he breathed softly, wondering what that could be code for, but he didn’t ask further. “I guess that’s good. Welcome… welcome to the building.”

Her eyes met his and she smiled softly. “Thanks.” He could see something on her face, and it wasn’t happiness though she was trying to be that way. She looked awkward, certainly, and maybe a bit startled, too. This was the most awkward encounter they’d ever had. He knew that he couldn’t wait to get away. Was that an awful thing to think?

They stood in silence for another few seconds, the quiet between them suffocating. It was hard to believe there was a time in their lives when they could barely keep quiet. It all changed and nothing could alter that fact. He wished they could go back to those times. If there was one thing he didn’t like, it was being around people in awkwardness. It was frustrating.

And especially around this woman, he couldn’t stand it. But nothing could change it. That specific event that was the catalyst to their relationships demise had happened, and her reaction to all of that couldn’t be made different. This was what they were left with, and now that she was living in his building, and right next door to him, they had to live with it.

How? How in the world was this going to work?

Clearing his throat softly, Martin glanced down at his watch. “I have an appointment to get to,” he breathed, offering her a tiny, forced smile as he gestured to the staircase.

“Oh, right.” Samantha stepped aside and as he walked past her, he inhaled and felt his heart flutter at the familiar scent; strawberries. So much time had passed yet so many things had remained the same. “I guess I’ll see you around.”

“Right, yeah.” He quickly made his way down the stairs and when he was one flight from the ground floor, he leant against the wall and took a few controlling breaths.

Knowing that he was alone without anyone to peer over his shoulder, or that she was anywhere near him, he pulled his wallet from out of his sweatpants pocket and rifled through the photograph pocket. There were only three photos in there, and the one at the very back was quickly pulled from its prison and brought to the light of day. Lack of sunlight had faded the color slightly.

But he could still see her beaming smile and though the whiteness of her dress in the photograph had faded, the brightness of it from that sunny day was ingrained in his memory. Her blonde curls danced down her back and the pink, yellow and white flowers of her bouquet brought her physique to life. He had never seen something so beautiful in his life. His wife on their wedding day.

Now that she was back, he wasn’t sure how it was going to change things. They had a lot of baggage. He had let her walk away and got on with his life the only way he knew how. He had gone through his own dramas and conquered many hurdles that her absence left him with. He couldn’t go back to that time for so many reasons. He only hoped her presence wouldn’t bring their baggage back up.

Quickly pushing the photograph back into its holder, Martin stared at the floor, gathering himself for what he could sense would be a tumultuous future ahead. He clutched the banister and quickly trod down the steps. Now, time to get some frustrations out at the gym.

[Greer]

His wife??! Sounds interesting!! Obviously I'm trying to guess as to the reason they divorced, you've got my brain working over-time now. I suppose I'll just have to patiently wait for the next chapter.

[Bright Eyes]

Ooh Broni! Me likee!!!

Now this is a really interesting scenario. Sam is Martin's new neighbour and what do you know? They were married once!

This chapter was from Martin's point of view and we can see that he certainly blames her for whatever broke them up.
But at the same time, he keeps her picture in his wallet. Interesting.

Terrific start Broni! I can't wait to see where you take us with this!! ;D

[carol38]

You have me hooked already broni wonder what happened to cause the break up more soon

[PlainJaneIAm]

Hmm...

I'm going to need another update.

[cludwig]

Well, well, this sure is interesting. Sam pops up out of nowhere and she was Martin's wife... (Or may legally still be ?) And despite blaming Sam for whatever it was that went wrong with them he does have their wedding picture in his wallet. :-)

Looking forward to finding out more about what happened.

[captainhenrymorgan]

Need more, need more!

[Broni]

Wow thanks for the feedback guys, love it There are a few surprises in this fic that will be revealed (as usual) in time, but I appreciate your comments and enthusiasm! Makes the drive to update that much harder to ignore.

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Chapter 02

~*~

Martin sat at his desk, struggling to keep his mind on the case.

This was a first for him, not being able to focus on his job above everything else. Since he began at the Bureau a few years ago, he never let anything interfere with his work. But today that had changed and he really didn’t like it. No matter how many files he looked over, the moment he shut them, he couldn’t remember a word they said.

That was the effect Samantha had on him. Already she was driving him crazy.

Well maybe Maggie Cartwright could help him out.

She had disappeared the previous night and so far, the team was at a loss as to where she could be. But they weren’t going to stop until they found her. Martin looked up her financials after the team looked through her apartment. He spoke to her father and then came back to the office to help out with the background information.

One thing was for sure hopefully when they’d find Maggie and inform her bickering parents, Martin would sleep well tonight. He certainly hoped so. On top of being unable to focus on his work, he hadn’t managed to get a wink of sleep. Knowing that Samantha, the woman he once loved more than life itself, was on the other side of one simple wall.

He left his bed Saturday night needing a drink, and before he even made it to the kitchen, he found himself staring at the wall separating his and Samantha’s apartments. He wondered what she was doing on the other side. Was she thinking about him? Had she been thinking about him over the past couple of years? What had she been doing since she left?

It was questions like those that kept him up into the early hours of the morning, and now, he was paying the price, heavily.

Rubbing at his eyes, he heard a beep come from the fax machine so pushed his tired body up from his chair and somehow made the short journey to the fax machine, taking the piece of paper and reading it over. Nothing. Useless. Just great.

Martin returned to his desk running a hand through his disheveled hair and slumping back into his chair. He didn’t know how he was going to get through this case, help his colleagues if he couldn’t focus and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep. Letting his hand fall heavily back to the desk, he looked up in time to see Danny sauntering back into the office, a smirk on his face and a file in his hand.

And that smirk only grew the moment his eyes landed on Martin. “You look like you could use more than a coffee,” Danny quipped with a smile. “How about an injection of pure caffeine?”

“Don’t tempt me,” Martin breathed. “Do you have anything?”

“Nothing useful at the moment,” he replied. “Jack wants to go through the timeline with everyone there. You ready?”

Martin looked over his desk struggling to think of where all the pieces of paper could be that held the information he’d need to help debrief the team. He’d been going over Maggie’s recent timeline but hadn’t come up with much of anything yet. It was more than frustrating. “Sure, I just need a minute.”

“I think you’ve got one, one and a half tops.” Danny looked up and watched as Jack motioned for them to follow him down the hallway.

With a groan, Martin picked all of the pieces of paper up, straightened them out in his hands and walked with Danny towards the hallway. He kept his eyes on the floor as they walked, knowing full well that Danny’s curious eyes were looking over him, his mind whirling with the possibilities of what could be going on with him. He knew that feeling well.

The last thing Martin wanted to talk about was Samantha. He didn’t want to say her name, to hear it or to even think about her, though that was proving harder than anything. Working would help him get through the day, right? So far, wrong. They were knee-deep in a case that was only just beginning and he felt stuck in his role.

Before they stepped into the empty interview room, where Vivian and Jack were setting up the timeline on the whiteboard and stacking their own piles of paper on the empty conference table in perfect preparation, Danny tapped Martin’s arm to gain his attention. “You all right?”

“Tired,” Martin admitted with a shrug.

“Tired?”

Martin nodded. “Yeah, tired.”

“Who is she?”

Boy, he couldn’t get much of anything past Danny, could he? Though with Danny, his mind was always on the fairer sex. “It’s not like that.”

Danny nodded slowly. “Then why are you so tired? Or look like you’ve seen a ghost?”

Martin felt a smile tug at his lips and shook his head, surprised by the irony. “You don’t even know the half of it,” he breathed.

Without giving Danny to question him further, Martin brushed past him and walked into the room, pulling out a whiteboard marker and helping with the timeline. He squinted his eyes hard at the whiteboard, hoping that if he forced concentration it would help him. For a few minutes, it did. With Jack, Vivian and Danny talking around him, he felt his mind switching gears.

Jack stood at the table, his hands dangling by his sides and eyes scouring the whiteboard. “Okay. Maggie Cartwright.”

“Born and raised in Westchester. Graduated Duke University in 1995. She worked the last three years at Sebol Publishing V.P. Of Marketing,” Martin explained, reading off one of his pages of notes. “No criminal record, no history of mental illness.”

“Family?” he asked.

Martin looked at the file again, feeling all eyes on him though not minding it in the slightest. It kept his mind on the job which is just where he wanted it to be. “Mother Nancy, father Paul. Divorced 1982. Paul’s still single and lives in alphabet city. Nancy married Lawrence Highsmith. They live in Scarsdale.”

“Viv?”

Placing the page onto the table, Martin moved his hands into his pants pockets and upon catching some movement out the corner of his eye, instantly felt his brief good mood stop. Blonde hair, a steady gaze, long, even strides… there was only one person that could be. She was dressed in a black suit with a white-collared shirt underneath.

And she was walking towards them.

Martin watched in horror as Samantha stood at the door to their room, her eyes darting from him to Jack. Was she as surprised as he was?

“Since she disappeared, no credit card charges, no Amtrak, Greyhound, car rental, or airline activity,” Vivian explained, talking as if nothing else was going on in the room, and to her knowledge, there wasn’t. “I’m moving on her bank records and brokerage accounts.”

Jack spotted Samantha at the door and held a finger up, indicating for her to wait. Martin couldn’t take his eyes off her. Maybe she was just coming by with information for them from another unit? Or she was working in reception? … No, not a chance. Samantha was anything but a secretary. She was an NYPD detective. She was smart and sharp, witty and intelligent. She worked hard to get into the force and wouldn’t leave it for anything, which quickly filled Martin with dread.

“Great, Danny?” Jack asked.

The voices in the room were now muffled sounds in the background. Martin had no idea what was being said and hated it. The day was over once again.

“Night doorman’s got a record, five years for dealing coke,” Danny replied, giving Samantha a quick look but averting his gaze back to Jack, handing him a photograph.

“Run it down,” Jack told him. “How’d you do with her phones?”

Danny walked towards the whiteboard and pointed between two certain times on the timeline. “11:02 she called her mom from home, six-minute call. 11:48 she placed a call to a Tom Wilkins, thirty-two second call. We have not located him yet.”

“Thirty-two seconds, could be a message,” Vivian piped up.

Jack sighed staring at the whiteboard. “Let’s get a complete package on this guy. If he was the last person she called, then he’s the first person we need to talk to. How about the security tape?”

Danny put a video tape on that proved the doorman’s story but nothing much else. Martin then, doing his best to keep his mind on the case and not the heartbreaking blonde staring at him from the doorway, went through the timeline of Maggie’s last known events of the previous evening. “… But she didn’t make it back to her apartment for an hour and a half,” he concluded, wondering how he got through that so composed. None of his teammates were giving him weird looks but the brown eyes hadn’t left him the entire time. “No one knows where she was right here.” He pointed to an empty space in the timeline. “May not mean anything…”

“But it could mean everything,” Jack breathed.

He sighed heavily, watching as Jack turned towards the door and motioned Samantha in. “Yeah.”

Jack motioned to the rest of the team and glanced back at Samantha with a smile. “All right, as you all know, we have a new member of the team joining us today, Samantha Spade. Let’s make sure we give her the frosty welcome that all rookies deserve.”

Samantha smiled genuinely and a light pink blush formed on her cheeks. If only everyone could know just what pain that woman was capable of, of what torment the person behind the dazzling smile could cause. Martin wished there was some way to warn others, to keep them from getting hurt. And he hated it more that his heart skipped at beat when she smiled.

She looked from one person to the next, her gaze lingering on Martin for a beat longer than necessary, but that was all Martin needed to have. His stomach was in knots and he felt sweat forming at the hairline on his scalp. She couldn’t be joining the team. How was this possible? Why? Since when did she want to join the FBI?

How was he supposed to live next door to her and work with her every single day? He knew that he wouldn’t be able to live with it. Could he intervene somehow? Speak to Jack about maybe rethinking his decision to hire Samantha? He didn’t want to bring up their sordid past, but he knew that all would not be well in the MPU if he and Samantha had to work together.

This was a nightmare in the making.

“This is Vivian Johnson, Martin Fitzgerald, Danny Taylor,” Jack introduced, motioning to all of them in turn. Martin didn’t even try and force a smile. It wouldn’t happen and no one would believe it. Instead he nodded weakly at her, letting his eyes fall from hers to the floor. They were so intense and brought up a mountain of emotions within him. “Okay the clock’s ticking, let’s get out there.”

With Samantha by his side, Jack turned and left the room and the moment she was gone, Martin let out a long breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.

Returning his gaze to the table, Martin reached for his papers and began shuffling them once again, hoping he would be able to avoid her for the rest of today at least. But sensing a presence behind him, he knew that it wouldn’t be a dropped subject. “So, our new colleague,” Danny breathed.

Martin tried desperately to hold back a groan but did roll his eyes, glad he wasn’t facing his friend and gave all his secrets away. “Looks like it.”

“Good looking, hm?”

“If that’s your type.” Martin shrugged.

Danny smiled. “I was thinking more your type; you know the blonde hair, brown-eyed type.”

“That’s not my type.” He shook his head and walked towards the door with Danny close on his heel.

“So there wasn’t a thing going on between you just then?” Danny asked with his hands behind his back as he looked at his friend curiously.

Martin felt his wall of resistance waning and could only smile weakly in sheepish surrender. “It was that obvious?”

He chuckled and held his hands up. “It’s me you’re talking about. I know these things. So? Who is she? A one-night stand whose name you forgot?”

“I prefer to call her a huge mistake that isn’t easily forgotten,” Martin replied, glancing at Danny before shaking his head, seeing the confusion and curiosity on his friend’s face but really not wanting to delve into it.

Danny’s lips parted as he was about to question Martin on what the big secret was about, but Martin held a hand up to stop him. Instead, he lowered his voice staring at Martin seriously with that same worried gaze Martin had seen after the past couple of years, not only from him, but many others in his life. It was the same from person to person. “How bad?”

Martin looked from the floor then back up at him, wanting to come clean but in the middle of a case and with Martin in his constant state of shock, it wasn’t really the time to get in the middle of it. So instead of an answer, he moved his head in a non-committal shake. “We’ve got a missing woman to find.” And he walked back into the office, determined to not let her ruin his day again.

[SamSpade]

Wow Martin and Samantha had once been married. Now she's not only moving in next door to him but working alongside of him. It's clear he's still hurting from whatever happened between the two of them. I just hope they'll be able to work together, get over the past and whatever differences they had that must have led to their divorce.

[captainhenrymorgan]

Oh, this could get ugly! I cannot wait for more!! Awesome job as usual.

[sandid]

So what did Sam do that has Martin tied in knots? As the captain above just said, things could get ugly here.

Waiting for more Broni.

[carol38]

oh dear i can see some more angst coming and i love it, I wonder what happened between these two for Martin to feel like this, so Broni don't leave us too long in finding out what it was.

[cludwig]

Wow, didn't see that coming, at all. Love the parallels to the actual show with Sam being the rookie here though.

Still not sure if Martin & Sam are still legally married or divorced.

[blu]

Love it Broni! Poor Martin

[Broni]

Thanks for the reviews guys, I'm glad you're sticking with me through it. I managed to get a chapter written tonight, mainly due to the fact the season premiere of NCIS was on (excitement!) quickly followed by a repeat of a classic WaT eppy 'The Bus'. Certainly helped with the inspiration ;D

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Chapter 03

~*~

Maggie Cartwright, as Martin hoped, was found alive.

She was very much the worse for wear, having been kidnapped by a colleague she got along with a trusted and held hostage in a bathroom, tied up and gagged. She was shaken, confused and scared for her life, and Martin knew that when Jack inevitably told her that she wouldn’t have survived much longer if they didn’t get to her when they did she would find it hard to trust others again.

In that aspect, Martin could relate to Maggie.

But he shook those feelings off, not wanting to dwell on this case for much longer than necessary. Once his report was written and handed in, that was it.

So the moment he returned to his desk, he put his head down and wrote furiously, getting everything out while it was still fresh. He got up every now and then to either refill his coffee cup or to track down some of the information they used. He wanted to get the timeline that they worked and their chain of evidence absolutely right.

In the background, he could hear Vivian and Danny working just as hard. Samantha… well he wasn’t sure what she was doing. Her desk was to his right, and every now and then, he would catch a glimpse of blonde hair out the corner of his eyes. He would use all his willpower not to glance in her direction, to meet her gaze, but it wasn’t always that easy.

She seemed to be settling in all right. She helped them with the case, pouncing on some points that they hadn’t covered. She got a little bit ahead of herself in the field, but Danny was right behind her and stopped her from getting her skull bashed in. Now, she was working on her report, getting up every few minutes to ask a question about how to do things.

So far, she hadn’t approached him.

He hoped it was because of the stone-cold vibe he was sending her. He didn’t want her to get her wires crossed. She had to get used to this.

Pressing the print button, he threw his head back, swallowing the last of his cold cup of coffee and holding back a groan as he stood up. He walked towards the printer, standing in front of the out-dated machine as it struggled to process his request. He couldn’t believe that the Bureau hadn’t updated something as simple and frequently-used as a printer.

A few other sheets of paper rolled out first and he did his best not to look at them, not knowing if they were meant for his eyes or not. He heard those heels clanking on the floor approaching him so quickly stepped out of the way, not wanting to get caught up in an argument of any sort. He’d managed to avoid Samantha all day.

“Old printer,” she breathed, resting a hand on the printer while moving her eyes over it.

Martin nodded weakly. “Some things don’t change.”

Her eyes landed on him but he didn’t meet them. He cleared his throat and watched with frustration as she slapped her palm on the side of the printer and watched her pages immediately roll out. “But some things do.” She turned on her heels and walked back to her desk.

“Sure.”

A few seconds later, Martin’s report rolled out and he snatched it away, walking towards his desk and quickly scribbling his signature down the bottom. He glanced over the pages briefly one more time, double-checking for typos and anything he may have missed during his hurried typing. When he was as satisfied as he was going to get, he shoved the pages into a manila folder and walked towards Jack’s office.

Tapping on Jack’s door, he was glad to see the older man in there alone, head bent down over his desk and his reading glasses slowly sliding down his nose. His head shot up and he gestured Martin to enter, giving him a nod. “You’ve done your report already?”

“Thorough as always,” Martin breathed, shutting the door behind him and setting the folder on the desk top. “Yours isn’t done yet?”

“I’m not as fast as I used to be.”

Martin smiled for the first time that day. “I don’t believe that.”

“You’d be the only one.”

He sighed staring down at the manila folder. “Is there anything else you need done?”

Jack stared at Martin with an amused smile. “You could offer to help the others with their reports.”

“I don’t think so,” Martin chuckled.

“Then go home.” He waved Martin away. “What are you hanging around here for?”

Martin nodded weakly, turning and heading to the door. “Good question.”

With his hand on the door handle, Martin hesitated. He had to get some answers. He had to find out why she was really here. Was it a joke on him? Did she request it because he was here? Did Jack know about their past? Did she tell it to him in confidence when they initially met? Had his father called in a favor for some reason? Martin couldn’t imagine why, but stranger things had happened.

“Is there a problem?” Jack’s gruff voice broke the terminal silence in the office.

He took a breath gathering his courage as he turned and faced his boss. “Samantha… is she temporarily filling in until we find someone else? Or is she it?”

This time Jack let the silence fill the room as he studied his younger agent. “For now, it depends on how she goes her first few weeks. At the moment though yeah, I’d say she’s staying.”

“Okay, good.” Martin smiled weakly and reached for the door again, not liking the answer but having expected it all along.

“I noticed uh…” Jack’s voice trailed off but his gaze didn’t waiver. “Is there a problem with Agent Spade working here?”

Martin knew that no matter his answer, he would get the same piece of advice: get over it. So he waved a hand dismissing it. “No, it’s nothing. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

He could feel Jack’s eyes on him until he was out of sight and the moment he was at the entrance to the bullpen, Martin stopped walking and tried to catch his breath. Why couldn’t he just say the truth? Why couldn’t he admit that she was his wife and they’d been estranged for the past couple of years? That she’d left a giant mark on his heart he only managed to ignore with alcohol?

It wasn’t worth it. Drudging all of that would only hurt Martin and bring a lot of unnecessary pressure not only on Jack’s shoulders but on the team as a whole. Martin didn’t want to cause problems for them. They’d been great to him since he’d joined a few years earlier, he couldn’t repay it with bringing up more issues from his past.

He feared it was going to occur one way or another, but for now, he wanted to settle Samantha into the team without airing all their dirty laundry. That could wait for another time, like when they were out for a drink celebrating the end of a case. He could tell them everything that happened between himself and Samantha and be comforted in the fact they’d all be too drunk to remember… well all except Danny.

Hearing some chatter from the bullpen, he looked up and couldn’t tear his eyes off her. At one time in his life he would do that without a second thought.

But now, it took all his courage to do it.

Years ago, if he called out to her and she turned around to look at him, he’d see that same angelic face like the one he proposed to. They were living in Washington DC at the time, having recently moved in together. Already Martin was head over heels for her. He’d told her he loved her, heard the words in return and couldn’t see anything else standing in his way.

While they were out having a picnic lunch, they tossed their trash and went for a walk, approaching a fountain in a park not too far from the Abraham Lincoln Memorial. Samantha ran up ahead, her hair bouncing on her shoulders, glowing in the sun’s bright light. She threw a penny into the fountain making a wish, wanting to give the whole “wish thing” a try.

Martin took plenty of photographs, something he’d been keen on since before he’d met her, and when he called out her name, the look she gave him, the smile and the twinkle in her eyes… he knew that was the perfect moment. The ring was in his pocket. It had been for a month already. He’d been unable to find the opportune time to give it to her.

Staring at her now though, when she was so carefree and the day was ideal, he couldn’t hold back.

“Marry Me?”

Her eyes had remained on him and she paused, hesitated, waiting for him to take it back, but when he didn’t, her smile grew and he heard the most perfect words, “I’d love to.”

The ring fit her finger and they spent the day and night celebrating. The celebration didn’t end for the next two years, only ending a short while before she left, when the accident took the Samantha he knew away from him in every way imaginable.

Shaking his head, he swallowed the bile in his throat and quickly walked towards his desk, reaching for his bag, cell phone and coat. “Hey Marty,” Danny called out from their circle at Samantha’s new desk, “we’re going to grab a drink, welcome the rookie. You in?”

Martin glanced up at him and didn’t even attempt a smile. “I’d better not.”

“You won’t be alone on the soda train,” Danny quipped with a chuckle. “Just for an hour?”

But Martin stuck to his guns. “I can’t.” He didn’t even bother taking the time to slide into his coat. He draped it over his arm and quickly headed out. “Have a good night.”

“You too,” he heard Samantha breathe, sending chills down his spine.

Danny watched Martin go and let out a breath. “Sorry about that. He’s a bit-.”

“Angry,” Samantha finished with a nod, her eyes trained on the exit Martin practically flew out of. “Don’t apologize, I should have expected it.”

“You know Martin?” Vivian queried, glancing at Danny in surprise.

Samantha smiled weakly. “Yeah, a long time ago.” She set her bag down and put her coat on, pulling her hair out from the back and letting it cascade down her back.

Vivian nodded slowly. “It didn’t end well?”

“You could say that.”

They shared a look and then Samantha smiled, lifting her bag up. “Should we go?”

“Let’s.” They walked out for the night, looking forward to the tension-free evening ahead and celebrating Samantha’s first successful day on the job, hoping the next would be just as easy.