Post by Broni on Apr 21, 2014 8:40:00 GMT -5
I've been working on this long one-off for far too long, and finally managed to finish it (in a way I'm happy with). It's only a one-off and is how I would have liked the episodes after 'The Bogie Man' to have included. Wishful thinking!
Title: The Big Day.
Author: Broni.
Rating: PG.
Spoilers: Post ep ‘The Bogie Man’.
Disclaimer: Don’t own them.
Summary: She took a step, now he had to find the courage to meet her halfway.
~*~
He stood at the entrance to the church with his heart in his throat, but a rock in his stomach.
Today was his cousin’s wedding. It had finally arrived. His cousin Stacey was marrying her long-time boyfriend, Doug, in an incredibly intimate ceremony. Well, about 80 people were expected to be there, but in Fitzgerald terms, that was intimate. Martin, being one of Stacey’s closest cousins and a good friend to Doug, was an usher.
Though he was glad that he was here celebrating this special day with her and being a part of it, Martin felt like something was missing, and he knew what that was: Samantha.
Everything had fallen apart over the last couple of months, and having endured enough, Martin had ended it. Was it a decision that came lightly? No, not at all. He hadn’t slept all that week, before and after breaking things off. He had loved Samantha for a long time and though he knew that she probably wouldn’t return those words anytime soon, it actually bothered him that she may never say them.
If she wouldn’t, what was the point in being together? Martin needed her and wanted her in his life, but not if she wasn’t going to be completely honest with him. He wanted her as his better half, but it was more that she was his controlling half. They never went out, they didn’t tell any of their coworkers about their relationship, and she rarely relinquished control on how they acted around each other.
He couldn’t stay with someone who wouldn’t let him be himself all of the time. It was suffocating. Right now, he couldn’t stand being at home, lying in bed and looking at the other half that he still kept vacant simply because it was her spot. That dose of reality too was suffocating. Life wasn’t easy to deal with during and after Samantha.
So was it possible for them to get back to the “before” relationship? At the moment, he would say a resounding no.
Maybe one day, if she let him.
Martin checked his watch and took a deep breath. The ceremony was due to start in about five minutes. They were still waiting for the bride and bridesmaids to arrive, as well as the remaining few guests. Doug was up the front, talking and joking with his best man and other groomsmen. He wasn’t in the slightest bit nervous about today.
He was a nice guy. Doug was actually the first male friend of Martin’s that he told about Samantha. While attending Doug and Stacey’s engagement party a few months ago, Doug queried why Martin was dateless, and Martin admitted that his girlfriend was on call with their work and couldn’t travel to DC for it. He admitted under his breath that she probably wouldn’t have come regardless.
From there, Martin couldn’t help but talk to Doug about her. He had been with Stacey for seven years and felt like he knew every trick in the book that she would pull on him, so it was nice to be able to unload his frustrations on someone who empathized and seemed to understand. It just felt good to vent, too. He hated holding things in. Life wasn’t for secret-holding.
Doug did have a few tips, but none of them worked.
Today, he promised to introduce Martin to the bridesmaids and any other single, eligible lady at the wedding. Martin wasn’t ready, but the thought was nice.
Fixing his bright blue tie and shifting on his feet, Martin prayed that this ceremony would get done fast. He needed to sit down and have a drink. It had been a long few months and this was what felt like the first relaxing block of days he’d had in a long time.
That was until a body walked up the steps to the church, blocked the sunlight streaming through the doors, and caused his heart to stop.
“Sam,” he breathed, his stomach falling as he laid eyes on the intruder.
The last person he expected to see this weekend was standing about thirty feet from him, clutching a purse and looking around nervously. Her blonde hair was curled, dancing down her back with each movement and gust of wind, and the wonderful light blue dress clung tight, showing off just enough cleavage and barely grazing her knees.
How the hell did she always look so good? But most importantly, what the hell was she doing here?
“Wow, check that out,” another usher, Adam, breathed, walking up beside Martin with a wide smile. “Can’t believe she’d be here alone.”
Martin cleared his throat and chanced a quick glance at Adam. “She’s uh… I’ll find out.” Somehow, though he wasn’t sure how, his suddenly weak knees edged him towards the entrance, and it was then that Samantha spotted him. He could see her knuckles become whiter as she clutched the purse tighter and shifted on her feet nervously.
When he was a few feet away, for some reason still keeping a noticeable distance between them, he stopped and simply stared. “Hi,” she whispered, trying to smile but not succeeding too well.
“Hi,” Martin replied, also voiceless. “You uh… you look amazing.”
“Oh, thank you.” She looked down at her dress and picked an imaginary piece of dust off it, her eyes quickly flicking up to his. “I like your tie. It matches your eyes.”
He smiled weakly. He’d been told that a few times today, but it sounded much more genuine coming from her. Maybe it was just wishful thinking? “Thanks.” He opened his mouth to say more, but nothing else came to mind. Where should he start? Should he ask her why she was there? Or why she suddenly decided to start talking to him again?
“You’re probably wondering why I’m here?” she stammered, taking a slow step towards him.
Even close up she looked fantastic and she was taking his breath away. Why did he suddenly feel as nervous as Doug should be feeling? “Something like that.”
She smiled weakly and took a deep breath. “This isn’t easy for me. I’m really out of my comfort zone here. But uh… I’ve been thinking a lot about us, and what you did and everything I did… or didn’t do, I guess.” Again, she took a deep breath. “I don’t want this over, Martin. I’m just, not used to everything you’re used to in a relationship. I’m not used to the strings.”
“Sam…”
“Please, just…” She shook her head and stepped closer so there was only a foot of air between them. It still felt like a black hole in space was dividing them, but at least now he could smell her shampoo and perfume, the scents that were uniquely hers. “I know it’s too little too late, that it’s been months and nothing’s changed, but I want to try now. Sure, it took me losing you to realize this, but while the wounds are fresh and I know my feelings for you are still there, I want to make things right, better. If… if you’ll let me.”
He wanted to tell her no. He wanted to prove that he didn’t need her to be happy and that he could be happy on his own. His body yearned for her, his heart ached because of her, and his brain was yelling at him both to leap at her and to avoid the hurt she caused. But the thought of turning her away now, with her in that dress, and at his cousin’s wedding… he wasn’t sure he could do that either.
His eyes danced around his surroundings. The wedding would be starting soon, but he wanted nothing more than to run up to the front of the church and tell Doug to call off the wedding, to give him even an hour to sit down with Samantha and talk to her. Of course he wasn’t going to do that. Many people would chase him out of town. He was conflicted.
While his mind was spinning out of control, pondering which fork in the road to turn down, Martin failed to see Samantha staring at him intently through her chocolate brown gaze. She was watching and reading him, attempting to decipher what he was thinking. Should she cut her losses and run out? Should she brush past him and sit in the church and act like they never spoke today?
She cleared her throat nervously, her hands trembling ever so slightly. “Unless you’re not here alone?”
A dark smile worked its way onto Martin’s face. “Sam…” Did she think he’d move on so soon from her? He loved her. He wasn’t the type to fall in and out of love at the drop of a hat. His heart still ached in his chest. When he’d see her desk, he’d sigh. When he would smell her perfume, he’d long to hold her. When he was at home alone, he imagined she was in the shower, preparing to curl up on the sofa with him and watch a movie until they were too tired to move.
“I want to talk to you Marty,” she whispered, reaching a shaky hand out and resting it on his arm giving it a gentle squeeze. “That’s all.”
He looked up and their eyes met, and for the millionth time since they’d met, his heart skipped a beat. “I’ll be at the reception until late.”
“I’ll be there too,” she replied, and then sheepishly added, “I called ahead and spoke to Stacey. She said it was no trouble squeezing me in… but if you don’t want me there, we can wait until tomorrow.”
It surprised him that Samantha called his cousin. She actually went to the effort of looking Stacey’s number up somehow, whether it was at work through their system or taking a look in his day planner when he wasn’t around. Martin never thought Samantha would go to such lengths for him about anything. She hadn’t done it much in the past.
Maybe this was a good sign? Maybe it was worth listening to her? Having her here would be a distraction, but if he sent her away and promised to speak to her tomorrow, or later tonight, he knew that she would be a distraction still. Either way, she was going to be on his mind more so than when he thought she was in New York City.
Bringing a hand up and rubbing at the back of his neck, Martin found himself nodding and letting out a breath to calm his nerves. If she came here for him, he had to listen to her. “We can talk at the reception.”
“Okay, great.” She smiled at him and his heart fluttered.
As much as he wanted to get lost in Samantha by just being in her presence, Martin snapped his head behind him, hearing some noise. Doug nodded weakly in his direction, informing him silently that the bride was here and the ceremony was about to get underway. “I’ll show you to your seat,” Martin breathed, offering Samantha his arm.
“Thanks.” She looped her arm with his and walked with him down the aisle.
As they were walking, Martin felt his ears heat up at the realization that this could have been them. He wanted her to walk down an aisle like this towards him, for her to promise him her undying love and for them to get that happily ever after he’d always dreamt about. But as he stopped at the seventh row from the front, he realized it wouldn’t happen.
Dreams couldn’t always come true.
“I’m sorry it’s not any closer,” he admitted as he gestured her into the pew.
“It’s fine.” She leant in and brushed her lips against his cheek. “Thanks Marty.”
His heart skipped again and he berated himself silently for letting her get to him like this. “Sure.” He sent her one last nervous smile before turning to the front and catching Doug’s eye. It looked that he had summed up the situation perfectly and offered Martin a wink in appreciation. Martin rolled his eyes and slid into the second pew, hoping to disappear for a little while.
The music started and with the rest of the guests, Martin stood and turned to face the back of the church.
His eyes weren’t on the bridesmaids or his cousin, unfortunately. This was going to be a long day.
~*~
As he suspected, Martin couldn’t focus on the wedding.
It was a good thing he didn’t have to do anything during the actual ceremony, because his memory was gone by the time Stacey had made it up to the top of the altar. Samantha was here, she was sitting behind him, and he could almost feel her boring holes into the back of his head. He knew that she likely wasn’t staring at him, but it felt like it. It was weird having her there!
After all of the fighting they went through about this event, suddenly she shows up when the obligation is no longer there? What was he supposed to think? What kind of mind game was she playing on him? Was this a practical joke she’d devised to get back at him for breaking up with her? They hadn’t spoken properly in weeks, and he knew she was mad he ended it.
But would she do that? He knew Samantha well, he felt, but he’d never seen her angry. He’d seen many other emotions on her, but never anger, or hatred. He’d certainly felt that she strongly disliked him at times, but never hatred. Was she a conniving kind of person? Would she really fly to Washington DC just to get back at him in front of his family?
He’d like to think not, but then again, he never thought she’d treat him the way she did.
Seeing was worth believing sometimes.
The ceremony seemed to go on for a lifetime. Martin felt one of his legs bouncing at one stage and only stopped when his sister rested her hand on his knee and dug her fingers in, hard. He couldn’t help it! He wanted the ceremony to end so he could take Samantha aside and find out what in the world was going on. They were over, right?
Of course he hadn’t moved on, or had any intention to just yet. He’d been under Samantha Spade’s spell for quite a few years and he knew that it would take longer than a few weeks to get over her. She said she wanted them to work out their differences as she still had feelings for him… but could he believe that?
He wanted to take her words at face value, but lately he had and she had let him down. He just didn’t know what to believe, and sitting silently in a church wasn’t getting him any answers. He wanted out fast! He had been looking forward to this wedding, but now, the only thing he wanted was for the ceremony to be over so he could make noise.
How insensitive was that? He was incredibly grateful that his family couldn’t actually read his mind.
Thankfully, about an hour after the ceremony began, Stacey and Doug were pronounced husband and wife, and it was done.
While they sat down to sign the marriage license along with their best man and maid of honor, and people with cameras ran towards the table to take even more photographs of the happy couple, Martin stretched and slowly made his way towards the back of the church. He didn’t want to get knocked over by his many relatives clamoring for a close, photo-friendly position.
That and he wanted to see if Samantha was in fact still there. For a brief second, a part of him had a feeling that she showed up to make his nerves go on edge, confuse him and get back at him, and then she would dash off. But why would she get dressed up to do that? Why did she fly there just to torment him?
He mentally kicked himself for assuming such stupid things. Loosening his tie a little bit, he cleared his throat and wished more than anything that he could run outside for a little while. It was a beautifully sunny day and he suddenly wanted to be out there, not stuck inside in this suit. His mind was racing and now his body was catching up. Was a panic attack on the horizon?
“Marty.” His cousin Jamie rushed up to him with a broad smile on her face. She was wearing a bright red dress to match her shoulder-length red hair, making her stand out amongst the crowd in a big way. Her smile hadn’t diminished even a little bit for the past few days. She loved weddings, no matter who’s they were, and a family one was one of her favorite events.
“Nice ceremony, hm?” he asked, offering her a smile in return. If he didn’t, she’d ask why and he didn’t want to go through that. Certainly not now in this increasingly stuffy church.
She nodded adamantly. “Really nice. How cute are they?”
“They’re a good match that’s for sure,” Martin agreed, watching as his cousin turned to her new husband at the signing table and stole a quick kiss, reaching over and linking their hands. Doug’s beaming faced matched Stacey’s to a tee.
Jamie giggled. “About time it’s official though, jeesh!”
Martin chuckled. “Don’t tell me, tell Doug.”
“I do, a lot.” She fixed the slightly tangled chain of her necklace as she shuffled closer to him, a move Martin felt didn’t work in his favor. “So I couldn’t help but notice a certain striking blonde sitting up the back of the church.” Nope, it wasn’t good for him. “I thought she wasn’t coming?”
He let out a slow breath in an effort to keep calm. “Me too, but she had a change of heart.”
“So you two are back on then?”
“You know Jamie I would be the last to know.” He cast a quick glance over each of his shoulders, and when he spotted Samantha speaking to one of Stacey’s friends out of earshot from him, knew he had the all clear for even a few minutes. “She showed up and wants to work things out but I don’t know.”
Jamie nodded slowly, following his gaze to Samantha though not letting it linger for nearly as long as Martin did. “It’s nice she made the effort and showed up, right? Give you two a chance to work on things?”
He shrugged weakly wanting to pull his eyes away but unable to. It was difficult. “Today is really… its Stacey and Doug’s day, you know? I don’t want to risk looking back on today and being filled with anger or sadness because we fought all the time or… something.”
“Well I think it’s the perfect time,” Jamie admitted with a weak shrug. “You’ll have plenty of food and drink to get you through the night, some light-hearted music and drunken uncles and aunts to distract you if things get tense… possibly a drunk cousin or two.” Martin gave her a look but Jamie only smiled wider. “She came all this way and has obviously tried hard to talk to you. Just give her a chance. If nothing works out, you’ll fly back home and work on your friendship. At least you tried.”
Martin paused and took a breath, finally letting his eyes fall from Samantha. “You know I hate it when you’re right?”
“It’s bound to happen once or twice.” She nudged Martin. “Don’t worry so much.”
He let out a slow breath as Jamie waved at someone in the camera crowd. “Yeah,” he breathed as his stomach knotted again and brain attempted to escape this never-ending jumble. How did Samantha do this to him so often?
~*~
They were first able to talk not long after the bridal party left the wedding venue to get their professional photos taken.
Martin approached Samantha out the front of the church, and just as he opened his mouth to start discussions on the incredible subject that was “them”, his mother summoned him to have his photo taken with other family members. He didn’t recognize many of them but apparently on occasions such as this, none of that mattered.
He didn’t fail to notice that his mother didn’t bother to ask who the blonde stranger was, either.
The photographs had him occupied for almost a half hour, and none of it went by slowly. He did notice that when Jamie was no longer required to smile cheesily and grit her teeth for all the strange cameras, she was standing by Samantha and the two were talking. What were they taking about? Bonnie? The weather? Him? Everything women spoke about when given a chance?
It didn’t matter in the end. Samantha approached him when they arrived at the reception venue after catching a ride with Jamie and her family. It finally seemed like they had a few minutes to talk… until his aunt Caroline spilled white wine on Samantha’s dress. It seemed her eagerness to meet the stranger talking to him took her by surprise. As did her alcohol consumption on an empty stomach.
So that quickly changed things, as he was caught up in more conversations with family members, some he was looking forward to and others he wasn’t.
By the time he had a moment to breathe, the bridal party had arrived at the venue, were seated, and food was being served. Martin finished the last mouthful of chicken, washed it down with his second Scotch, and without another thought, or wanting to catch another sharp glance from Jamie, walked towards the table Samantha was seated at.
He didn’t fail to notice that she was sitting amongst some single friends of Stacey’s, but he pushed that thought from his mind. He wasn’t entirely sure what to think about that.
Walking up behind Samantha, he flashed the women a smile. “Good evening ladies, are you having a good time?”
“So much,” a brunette woman replied, holding a glass of wine and having a sip from it before giving him what he assumed was supposed to be a flirtatious wink but looked to him to be a struggle with her overly long eyelashes. “You’re Stacey’s cousin, right?”
“I am, Martin,” he admitted with a smile, before quickly motioning to Samantha. “I was hoping to steal this one for a moment.”
Samantha smiled weakly as she stood. “Sure.”
“Excuse us.” He managed to avoid the glares of some of the women as he took a gentle hold of Samantha’s elbow and led her towards the line at the bar, which was quite deep. “So…”
“Took a while to get a moment alone, huh?” she asked with a light chuckle, nervously tucking some hair behind an ear. He was very tempted to pull it back out as he thought it framed her face beautifully.
Martin smiled weakly. “Yeah. Sorry for not getting over to you sooner, but uh… well you know, family at these events make it all about them.”
“I’ll have to take your word for it.” She took a step forward with the line but they were still awhile off.
Taking a calming breath, Martin turned to Samantha quite hesitantly, knowing that any conversations they had, namely regarding them, could ruin the evening for not only them, but a lot of other people around them. “Sam, can I ask you something before we start talking about the whole “us” thing?” She also took a breath and nodded. “When you asked me home that first night, was it so you had a distraction from Jack leaving?”
His question took her aback, and that made him even more nervous. They’d spoken about Jack maybe once or twice while they were together, and each time, she insisted that it was a thing of the past and she preferred they drop it. He did. Now though, he still needed to know. “No. I’ve told you, after almost getting shot I didn’t want to waste a moment and it’d felt like our relationship was heading that way.”
“Okay.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground. “If I’m to be honest Sam, the reason I got into the cab with you that night wasn’t only because you gave me the chance, but because I cared about you.”
“I know that, and the feeling is mutual.”
“Well over time, it began to feel like you didn’t care about me and just, wanted comfort all the time.”
Samantha shook her head and dipped her head, catching his eyes with hers. They were deep and brown and beautiful. “I care, Martin. I wouldn’t just invite you home like that for one night and risk jeopardizing our friendship. I just… I guess I began to see that you would want more and it was just easier to get used to us without prying eyes.”
When she stepped towards the bar, Martin stared after her, confused. He quickly ordered himself a soda, needing something non-alcoholic yet full of sugar to keep him alert. Dealing with the inner-workings of Samantha Spade’s mind was a full time job and he knew he’d need all his senses on alert to decipher it.
She grabbed her white wine and they found an empty table, now that people had finished eating and were either dancing on the dance floor or mingling with other guests. The atmosphere was incredibly light and jovial. The live band was keeping the music going, more dance songs and classic hits than modern music, which fit everyone here perfectly.
Taking a seat at a table, Martin sipped his soda and sat back, wanting to tear his gaze away from the beautiful blonde to his right but just unable to. “You look fantastic. You really do.” He gestured to her dress. “This looks new.”
Samantha blushed and looked down. “I’ve had it for a while, actually.”
“I never saw it in your closet.”
“Snoop,” she chuckled.
Martin chuckled too. Seeing the smile on her face usually caused that. “Jamie said you probably had a lot of secrets stored away. I didn’t think they’d be designer dresses.”
“It’s not designer,” she replied, her smile slowly falling. “She said I had secrets?”
He cleared his throat and rested his arm on the table, tapping his fingers on the blue table cloth. “She just… when you helped look for Bonnie, she noticed how determined you were yet you had a carefree sense of humor and… well when you came over for dinner those few times, you were a bit quiet, apprehensive.”
She sipped her wine. “You talk to her about me?”
“Yeah, a lot. She’s good with stuff like that.”
“She should be a profiler.”
Martin chuckled. “I gave her a form to apply one year. She then told me she was pregnant.”
She sipped her wine again and set the glass on the table. “I know I’m not open and honest, probably not like the women you’re used to, but I’m getting there. I mean, I never spent so much time with just one person, and it felt… well it felt natural, you know?”
He smiled weakly. “Yeah, I know.”
Reaching her other hand out, she gently grazed Martin’s hand, her fingertips like fire against his skin and also the medicine to cure it. “I miss you, Marty, and I never wanted to let you down. I did try, and I’m sorry it wasn’t enough.”
“I miss you too, Sam, but… you don’t have to be ashamed of me,” he whispered. Right now he felt like a weight was slowly lifting itself off his shoulders. It felt wonderful. “I’m not married, you’re not married and I’m not ashamed of you. There’s no reason to hide. You’re a wonderful woman and I’d like to think that I’m a bit of a catch too. I’d like to get single people off our back and just… I just want to be myself around you at work, out jogging, out to dinner, wherever we might be. We have no reason to hide and I can’t handle that. I love you.” He swallowed nervously. “I guess… if you think one day you’ll feel the same, I need to know now. If not, it’s best we work on our friendship because I can’t wait much longer to hear something I know you feel.”
Finishing the rest of her glass of wine, Samantha pushed the glass away. Honestly, she looked a bit paler right now. Martin was worried she’d had too much wine to drink, but he knew it was because she was nervous about their conversation. He didn’t like upsetting her, but he needed answers and after everything they’d been through together, she owed him that. So he asked and he had to deal with the fallout of whatever her answer might be.
She took a deep breath and subconsciously continued running her fingers over his hand, staring at the skin as she did so. “You know, when Danny asked me about us, it felt good to admit it to him but more because of how happy he was for us. He seemed genuinely confused as to why we were hiding it, and I’ve never had that reaction before. It’s weird for me.” She licked her lips nervously. “And honestly, I have never been happier with someone than I was with you. So if… if you’ll give me a chance, I will do better, Martin.”
“How?” He couldn’t help but ask.
“Well I’m here now, right?” She looked around them with a soft smile watching people on the dance floor and his mother antagonize one of his aunts. “I’d like for the team to know and to see that we’re happy. I’m not happy that we’ll probably be split up but I guess that’s a price to pay, hm?”
Martin nodded slowly. “I guess, yeah.” He took hold of her hand and met her gaze. “It’s not going to kill you, being with me.”
“It hasn’t yet,” she replied with a smile, “and I know you’ve probably tried.”
“I plead the fifth.” They both chuckled and really, it felt better than cold rain after a hot and humid summer’s day. “Let’s seal this with a dance, hm?”
Samantha squeezed his hand and stood. “I would love that.”
They walked out to the dance floor hand in hand, but soon Martin’s hands found her waist and Samantha’s arms rested on his shoulders, keeping him close. The song was faster than he was anticipating, but he was too wrapped up in the woman in his arms, who took the chance to ignore him and fight for them, to make him see her point.
More to the point, she agreed to try harder, and he couldn’t wait to see how that would go. Deep down he did have his reservations, but he wasn’t going to allow their relationship to get worse. She knew how he felt and what he wanted. If things became what they were two weeks ago, it was going to be over fast and that would be it. She knew that now. She knew he had run out of patience.
In a way, he fell more in love with her seeing her at the church earlier. He couldn’t believe that she would fight for them. He never assumed she would, but here she was, meeting his family, laughing with his mother and pleading to be given another chance. He felt lucky. He was going to ensure things worked properly and looked forward to showing her off.
Their lips met a few times and his heart sped. Today was the start of something new and great. He couldn’t wait for the future.
Title: The Big Day.
Author: Broni.
Rating: PG.
Spoilers: Post ep ‘The Bogie Man’.
Disclaimer: Don’t own them.
Summary: She took a step, now he had to find the courage to meet her halfway.
~*~
He stood at the entrance to the church with his heart in his throat, but a rock in his stomach.
Today was his cousin’s wedding. It had finally arrived. His cousin Stacey was marrying her long-time boyfriend, Doug, in an incredibly intimate ceremony. Well, about 80 people were expected to be there, but in Fitzgerald terms, that was intimate. Martin, being one of Stacey’s closest cousins and a good friend to Doug, was an usher.
Though he was glad that he was here celebrating this special day with her and being a part of it, Martin felt like something was missing, and he knew what that was: Samantha.
Everything had fallen apart over the last couple of months, and having endured enough, Martin had ended it. Was it a decision that came lightly? No, not at all. He hadn’t slept all that week, before and after breaking things off. He had loved Samantha for a long time and though he knew that she probably wouldn’t return those words anytime soon, it actually bothered him that she may never say them.
If she wouldn’t, what was the point in being together? Martin needed her and wanted her in his life, but not if she wasn’t going to be completely honest with him. He wanted her as his better half, but it was more that she was his controlling half. They never went out, they didn’t tell any of their coworkers about their relationship, and she rarely relinquished control on how they acted around each other.
He couldn’t stay with someone who wouldn’t let him be himself all of the time. It was suffocating. Right now, he couldn’t stand being at home, lying in bed and looking at the other half that he still kept vacant simply because it was her spot. That dose of reality too was suffocating. Life wasn’t easy to deal with during and after Samantha.
So was it possible for them to get back to the “before” relationship? At the moment, he would say a resounding no.
Maybe one day, if she let him.
Martin checked his watch and took a deep breath. The ceremony was due to start in about five minutes. They were still waiting for the bride and bridesmaids to arrive, as well as the remaining few guests. Doug was up the front, talking and joking with his best man and other groomsmen. He wasn’t in the slightest bit nervous about today.
He was a nice guy. Doug was actually the first male friend of Martin’s that he told about Samantha. While attending Doug and Stacey’s engagement party a few months ago, Doug queried why Martin was dateless, and Martin admitted that his girlfriend was on call with their work and couldn’t travel to DC for it. He admitted under his breath that she probably wouldn’t have come regardless.
From there, Martin couldn’t help but talk to Doug about her. He had been with Stacey for seven years and felt like he knew every trick in the book that she would pull on him, so it was nice to be able to unload his frustrations on someone who empathized and seemed to understand. It just felt good to vent, too. He hated holding things in. Life wasn’t for secret-holding.
Doug did have a few tips, but none of them worked.
Today, he promised to introduce Martin to the bridesmaids and any other single, eligible lady at the wedding. Martin wasn’t ready, but the thought was nice.
Fixing his bright blue tie and shifting on his feet, Martin prayed that this ceremony would get done fast. He needed to sit down and have a drink. It had been a long few months and this was what felt like the first relaxing block of days he’d had in a long time.
That was until a body walked up the steps to the church, blocked the sunlight streaming through the doors, and caused his heart to stop.
“Sam,” he breathed, his stomach falling as he laid eyes on the intruder.
The last person he expected to see this weekend was standing about thirty feet from him, clutching a purse and looking around nervously. Her blonde hair was curled, dancing down her back with each movement and gust of wind, and the wonderful light blue dress clung tight, showing off just enough cleavage and barely grazing her knees.
How the hell did she always look so good? But most importantly, what the hell was she doing here?
“Wow, check that out,” another usher, Adam, breathed, walking up beside Martin with a wide smile. “Can’t believe she’d be here alone.”
Martin cleared his throat and chanced a quick glance at Adam. “She’s uh… I’ll find out.” Somehow, though he wasn’t sure how, his suddenly weak knees edged him towards the entrance, and it was then that Samantha spotted him. He could see her knuckles become whiter as she clutched the purse tighter and shifted on her feet nervously.
When he was a few feet away, for some reason still keeping a noticeable distance between them, he stopped and simply stared. “Hi,” she whispered, trying to smile but not succeeding too well.
“Hi,” Martin replied, also voiceless. “You uh… you look amazing.”
“Oh, thank you.” She looked down at her dress and picked an imaginary piece of dust off it, her eyes quickly flicking up to his. “I like your tie. It matches your eyes.”
He smiled weakly. He’d been told that a few times today, but it sounded much more genuine coming from her. Maybe it was just wishful thinking? “Thanks.” He opened his mouth to say more, but nothing else came to mind. Where should he start? Should he ask her why she was there? Or why she suddenly decided to start talking to him again?
“You’re probably wondering why I’m here?” she stammered, taking a slow step towards him.
Even close up she looked fantastic and she was taking his breath away. Why did he suddenly feel as nervous as Doug should be feeling? “Something like that.”
She smiled weakly and took a deep breath. “This isn’t easy for me. I’m really out of my comfort zone here. But uh… I’ve been thinking a lot about us, and what you did and everything I did… or didn’t do, I guess.” Again, she took a deep breath. “I don’t want this over, Martin. I’m just, not used to everything you’re used to in a relationship. I’m not used to the strings.”
“Sam…”
“Please, just…” She shook her head and stepped closer so there was only a foot of air between them. It still felt like a black hole in space was dividing them, but at least now he could smell her shampoo and perfume, the scents that were uniquely hers. “I know it’s too little too late, that it’s been months and nothing’s changed, but I want to try now. Sure, it took me losing you to realize this, but while the wounds are fresh and I know my feelings for you are still there, I want to make things right, better. If… if you’ll let me.”
He wanted to tell her no. He wanted to prove that he didn’t need her to be happy and that he could be happy on his own. His body yearned for her, his heart ached because of her, and his brain was yelling at him both to leap at her and to avoid the hurt she caused. But the thought of turning her away now, with her in that dress, and at his cousin’s wedding… he wasn’t sure he could do that either.
His eyes danced around his surroundings. The wedding would be starting soon, but he wanted nothing more than to run up to the front of the church and tell Doug to call off the wedding, to give him even an hour to sit down with Samantha and talk to her. Of course he wasn’t going to do that. Many people would chase him out of town. He was conflicted.
While his mind was spinning out of control, pondering which fork in the road to turn down, Martin failed to see Samantha staring at him intently through her chocolate brown gaze. She was watching and reading him, attempting to decipher what he was thinking. Should she cut her losses and run out? Should she brush past him and sit in the church and act like they never spoke today?
She cleared her throat nervously, her hands trembling ever so slightly. “Unless you’re not here alone?”
A dark smile worked its way onto Martin’s face. “Sam…” Did she think he’d move on so soon from her? He loved her. He wasn’t the type to fall in and out of love at the drop of a hat. His heart still ached in his chest. When he’d see her desk, he’d sigh. When he would smell her perfume, he’d long to hold her. When he was at home alone, he imagined she was in the shower, preparing to curl up on the sofa with him and watch a movie until they were too tired to move.
“I want to talk to you Marty,” she whispered, reaching a shaky hand out and resting it on his arm giving it a gentle squeeze. “That’s all.”
He looked up and their eyes met, and for the millionth time since they’d met, his heart skipped a beat. “I’ll be at the reception until late.”
“I’ll be there too,” she replied, and then sheepishly added, “I called ahead and spoke to Stacey. She said it was no trouble squeezing me in… but if you don’t want me there, we can wait until tomorrow.”
It surprised him that Samantha called his cousin. She actually went to the effort of looking Stacey’s number up somehow, whether it was at work through their system or taking a look in his day planner when he wasn’t around. Martin never thought Samantha would go to such lengths for him about anything. She hadn’t done it much in the past.
Maybe this was a good sign? Maybe it was worth listening to her? Having her here would be a distraction, but if he sent her away and promised to speak to her tomorrow, or later tonight, he knew that she would be a distraction still. Either way, she was going to be on his mind more so than when he thought she was in New York City.
Bringing a hand up and rubbing at the back of his neck, Martin found himself nodding and letting out a breath to calm his nerves. If she came here for him, he had to listen to her. “We can talk at the reception.”
“Okay, great.” She smiled at him and his heart fluttered.
As much as he wanted to get lost in Samantha by just being in her presence, Martin snapped his head behind him, hearing some noise. Doug nodded weakly in his direction, informing him silently that the bride was here and the ceremony was about to get underway. “I’ll show you to your seat,” Martin breathed, offering Samantha his arm.
“Thanks.” She looped her arm with his and walked with him down the aisle.
As they were walking, Martin felt his ears heat up at the realization that this could have been them. He wanted her to walk down an aisle like this towards him, for her to promise him her undying love and for them to get that happily ever after he’d always dreamt about. But as he stopped at the seventh row from the front, he realized it wouldn’t happen.
Dreams couldn’t always come true.
“I’m sorry it’s not any closer,” he admitted as he gestured her into the pew.
“It’s fine.” She leant in and brushed her lips against his cheek. “Thanks Marty.”
His heart skipped again and he berated himself silently for letting her get to him like this. “Sure.” He sent her one last nervous smile before turning to the front and catching Doug’s eye. It looked that he had summed up the situation perfectly and offered Martin a wink in appreciation. Martin rolled his eyes and slid into the second pew, hoping to disappear for a little while.
The music started and with the rest of the guests, Martin stood and turned to face the back of the church.
His eyes weren’t on the bridesmaids or his cousin, unfortunately. This was going to be a long day.
~*~
As he suspected, Martin couldn’t focus on the wedding.
It was a good thing he didn’t have to do anything during the actual ceremony, because his memory was gone by the time Stacey had made it up to the top of the altar. Samantha was here, she was sitting behind him, and he could almost feel her boring holes into the back of his head. He knew that she likely wasn’t staring at him, but it felt like it. It was weird having her there!
After all of the fighting they went through about this event, suddenly she shows up when the obligation is no longer there? What was he supposed to think? What kind of mind game was she playing on him? Was this a practical joke she’d devised to get back at him for breaking up with her? They hadn’t spoken properly in weeks, and he knew she was mad he ended it.
But would she do that? He knew Samantha well, he felt, but he’d never seen her angry. He’d seen many other emotions on her, but never anger, or hatred. He’d certainly felt that she strongly disliked him at times, but never hatred. Was she a conniving kind of person? Would she really fly to Washington DC just to get back at him in front of his family?
He’d like to think not, but then again, he never thought she’d treat him the way she did.
Seeing was worth believing sometimes.
The ceremony seemed to go on for a lifetime. Martin felt one of his legs bouncing at one stage and only stopped when his sister rested her hand on his knee and dug her fingers in, hard. He couldn’t help it! He wanted the ceremony to end so he could take Samantha aside and find out what in the world was going on. They were over, right?
Of course he hadn’t moved on, or had any intention to just yet. He’d been under Samantha Spade’s spell for quite a few years and he knew that it would take longer than a few weeks to get over her. She said she wanted them to work out their differences as she still had feelings for him… but could he believe that?
He wanted to take her words at face value, but lately he had and she had let him down. He just didn’t know what to believe, and sitting silently in a church wasn’t getting him any answers. He wanted out fast! He had been looking forward to this wedding, but now, the only thing he wanted was for the ceremony to be over so he could make noise.
How insensitive was that? He was incredibly grateful that his family couldn’t actually read his mind.
Thankfully, about an hour after the ceremony began, Stacey and Doug were pronounced husband and wife, and it was done.
While they sat down to sign the marriage license along with their best man and maid of honor, and people with cameras ran towards the table to take even more photographs of the happy couple, Martin stretched and slowly made his way towards the back of the church. He didn’t want to get knocked over by his many relatives clamoring for a close, photo-friendly position.
That and he wanted to see if Samantha was in fact still there. For a brief second, a part of him had a feeling that she showed up to make his nerves go on edge, confuse him and get back at him, and then she would dash off. But why would she get dressed up to do that? Why did she fly there just to torment him?
He mentally kicked himself for assuming such stupid things. Loosening his tie a little bit, he cleared his throat and wished more than anything that he could run outside for a little while. It was a beautifully sunny day and he suddenly wanted to be out there, not stuck inside in this suit. His mind was racing and now his body was catching up. Was a panic attack on the horizon?
“Marty.” His cousin Jamie rushed up to him with a broad smile on her face. She was wearing a bright red dress to match her shoulder-length red hair, making her stand out amongst the crowd in a big way. Her smile hadn’t diminished even a little bit for the past few days. She loved weddings, no matter who’s they were, and a family one was one of her favorite events.
“Nice ceremony, hm?” he asked, offering her a smile in return. If he didn’t, she’d ask why and he didn’t want to go through that. Certainly not now in this increasingly stuffy church.
She nodded adamantly. “Really nice. How cute are they?”
“They’re a good match that’s for sure,” Martin agreed, watching as his cousin turned to her new husband at the signing table and stole a quick kiss, reaching over and linking their hands. Doug’s beaming faced matched Stacey’s to a tee.
Jamie giggled. “About time it’s official though, jeesh!”
Martin chuckled. “Don’t tell me, tell Doug.”
“I do, a lot.” She fixed the slightly tangled chain of her necklace as she shuffled closer to him, a move Martin felt didn’t work in his favor. “So I couldn’t help but notice a certain striking blonde sitting up the back of the church.” Nope, it wasn’t good for him. “I thought she wasn’t coming?”
He let out a slow breath in an effort to keep calm. “Me too, but she had a change of heart.”
“So you two are back on then?”
“You know Jamie I would be the last to know.” He cast a quick glance over each of his shoulders, and when he spotted Samantha speaking to one of Stacey’s friends out of earshot from him, knew he had the all clear for even a few minutes. “She showed up and wants to work things out but I don’t know.”
Jamie nodded slowly, following his gaze to Samantha though not letting it linger for nearly as long as Martin did. “It’s nice she made the effort and showed up, right? Give you two a chance to work on things?”
He shrugged weakly wanting to pull his eyes away but unable to. It was difficult. “Today is really… its Stacey and Doug’s day, you know? I don’t want to risk looking back on today and being filled with anger or sadness because we fought all the time or… something.”
“Well I think it’s the perfect time,” Jamie admitted with a weak shrug. “You’ll have plenty of food and drink to get you through the night, some light-hearted music and drunken uncles and aunts to distract you if things get tense… possibly a drunk cousin or two.” Martin gave her a look but Jamie only smiled wider. “She came all this way and has obviously tried hard to talk to you. Just give her a chance. If nothing works out, you’ll fly back home and work on your friendship. At least you tried.”
Martin paused and took a breath, finally letting his eyes fall from Samantha. “You know I hate it when you’re right?”
“It’s bound to happen once or twice.” She nudged Martin. “Don’t worry so much.”
He let out a slow breath as Jamie waved at someone in the camera crowd. “Yeah,” he breathed as his stomach knotted again and brain attempted to escape this never-ending jumble. How did Samantha do this to him so often?
~*~
They were first able to talk not long after the bridal party left the wedding venue to get their professional photos taken.
Martin approached Samantha out the front of the church, and just as he opened his mouth to start discussions on the incredible subject that was “them”, his mother summoned him to have his photo taken with other family members. He didn’t recognize many of them but apparently on occasions such as this, none of that mattered.
He didn’t fail to notice that his mother didn’t bother to ask who the blonde stranger was, either.
The photographs had him occupied for almost a half hour, and none of it went by slowly. He did notice that when Jamie was no longer required to smile cheesily and grit her teeth for all the strange cameras, she was standing by Samantha and the two were talking. What were they taking about? Bonnie? The weather? Him? Everything women spoke about when given a chance?
It didn’t matter in the end. Samantha approached him when they arrived at the reception venue after catching a ride with Jamie and her family. It finally seemed like they had a few minutes to talk… until his aunt Caroline spilled white wine on Samantha’s dress. It seemed her eagerness to meet the stranger talking to him took her by surprise. As did her alcohol consumption on an empty stomach.
So that quickly changed things, as he was caught up in more conversations with family members, some he was looking forward to and others he wasn’t.
By the time he had a moment to breathe, the bridal party had arrived at the venue, were seated, and food was being served. Martin finished the last mouthful of chicken, washed it down with his second Scotch, and without another thought, or wanting to catch another sharp glance from Jamie, walked towards the table Samantha was seated at.
He didn’t fail to notice that she was sitting amongst some single friends of Stacey’s, but he pushed that thought from his mind. He wasn’t entirely sure what to think about that.
Walking up behind Samantha, he flashed the women a smile. “Good evening ladies, are you having a good time?”
“So much,” a brunette woman replied, holding a glass of wine and having a sip from it before giving him what he assumed was supposed to be a flirtatious wink but looked to him to be a struggle with her overly long eyelashes. “You’re Stacey’s cousin, right?”
“I am, Martin,” he admitted with a smile, before quickly motioning to Samantha. “I was hoping to steal this one for a moment.”
Samantha smiled weakly as she stood. “Sure.”
“Excuse us.” He managed to avoid the glares of some of the women as he took a gentle hold of Samantha’s elbow and led her towards the line at the bar, which was quite deep. “So…”
“Took a while to get a moment alone, huh?” she asked with a light chuckle, nervously tucking some hair behind an ear. He was very tempted to pull it back out as he thought it framed her face beautifully.
Martin smiled weakly. “Yeah. Sorry for not getting over to you sooner, but uh… well you know, family at these events make it all about them.”
“I’ll have to take your word for it.” She took a step forward with the line but they were still awhile off.
Taking a calming breath, Martin turned to Samantha quite hesitantly, knowing that any conversations they had, namely regarding them, could ruin the evening for not only them, but a lot of other people around them. “Sam, can I ask you something before we start talking about the whole “us” thing?” She also took a breath and nodded. “When you asked me home that first night, was it so you had a distraction from Jack leaving?”
His question took her aback, and that made him even more nervous. They’d spoken about Jack maybe once or twice while they were together, and each time, she insisted that it was a thing of the past and she preferred they drop it. He did. Now though, he still needed to know. “No. I’ve told you, after almost getting shot I didn’t want to waste a moment and it’d felt like our relationship was heading that way.”
“Okay.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground. “If I’m to be honest Sam, the reason I got into the cab with you that night wasn’t only because you gave me the chance, but because I cared about you.”
“I know that, and the feeling is mutual.”
“Well over time, it began to feel like you didn’t care about me and just, wanted comfort all the time.”
Samantha shook her head and dipped her head, catching his eyes with hers. They were deep and brown and beautiful. “I care, Martin. I wouldn’t just invite you home like that for one night and risk jeopardizing our friendship. I just… I guess I began to see that you would want more and it was just easier to get used to us without prying eyes.”
When she stepped towards the bar, Martin stared after her, confused. He quickly ordered himself a soda, needing something non-alcoholic yet full of sugar to keep him alert. Dealing with the inner-workings of Samantha Spade’s mind was a full time job and he knew he’d need all his senses on alert to decipher it.
She grabbed her white wine and they found an empty table, now that people had finished eating and were either dancing on the dance floor or mingling with other guests. The atmosphere was incredibly light and jovial. The live band was keeping the music going, more dance songs and classic hits than modern music, which fit everyone here perfectly.
Taking a seat at a table, Martin sipped his soda and sat back, wanting to tear his gaze away from the beautiful blonde to his right but just unable to. “You look fantastic. You really do.” He gestured to her dress. “This looks new.”
Samantha blushed and looked down. “I’ve had it for a while, actually.”
“I never saw it in your closet.”
“Snoop,” she chuckled.
Martin chuckled too. Seeing the smile on her face usually caused that. “Jamie said you probably had a lot of secrets stored away. I didn’t think they’d be designer dresses.”
“It’s not designer,” she replied, her smile slowly falling. “She said I had secrets?”
He cleared his throat and rested his arm on the table, tapping his fingers on the blue table cloth. “She just… when you helped look for Bonnie, she noticed how determined you were yet you had a carefree sense of humor and… well when you came over for dinner those few times, you were a bit quiet, apprehensive.”
She sipped her wine. “You talk to her about me?”
“Yeah, a lot. She’s good with stuff like that.”
“She should be a profiler.”
Martin chuckled. “I gave her a form to apply one year. She then told me she was pregnant.”
She sipped her wine again and set the glass on the table. “I know I’m not open and honest, probably not like the women you’re used to, but I’m getting there. I mean, I never spent so much time with just one person, and it felt… well it felt natural, you know?”
He smiled weakly. “Yeah, I know.”
Reaching her other hand out, she gently grazed Martin’s hand, her fingertips like fire against his skin and also the medicine to cure it. “I miss you, Marty, and I never wanted to let you down. I did try, and I’m sorry it wasn’t enough.”
“I miss you too, Sam, but… you don’t have to be ashamed of me,” he whispered. Right now he felt like a weight was slowly lifting itself off his shoulders. It felt wonderful. “I’m not married, you’re not married and I’m not ashamed of you. There’s no reason to hide. You’re a wonderful woman and I’d like to think that I’m a bit of a catch too. I’d like to get single people off our back and just… I just want to be myself around you at work, out jogging, out to dinner, wherever we might be. We have no reason to hide and I can’t handle that. I love you.” He swallowed nervously. “I guess… if you think one day you’ll feel the same, I need to know now. If not, it’s best we work on our friendship because I can’t wait much longer to hear something I know you feel.”
Finishing the rest of her glass of wine, Samantha pushed the glass away. Honestly, she looked a bit paler right now. Martin was worried she’d had too much wine to drink, but he knew it was because she was nervous about their conversation. He didn’t like upsetting her, but he needed answers and after everything they’d been through together, she owed him that. So he asked and he had to deal with the fallout of whatever her answer might be.
She took a deep breath and subconsciously continued running her fingers over his hand, staring at the skin as she did so. “You know, when Danny asked me about us, it felt good to admit it to him but more because of how happy he was for us. He seemed genuinely confused as to why we were hiding it, and I’ve never had that reaction before. It’s weird for me.” She licked her lips nervously. “And honestly, I have never been happier with someone than I was with you. So if… if you’ll give me a chance, I will do better, Martin.”
“How?” He couldn’t help but ask.
“Well I’m here now, right?” She looked around them with a soft smile watching people on the dance floor and his mother antagonize one of his aunts. “I’d like for the team to know and to see that we’re happy. I’m not happy that we’ll probably be split up but I guess that’s a price to pay, hm?”
Martin nodded slowly. “I guess, yeah.” He took hold of her hand and met her gaze. “It’s not going to kill you, being with me.”
“It hasn’t yet,” she replied with a smile, “and I know you’ve probably tried.”
“I plead the fifth.” They both chuckled and really, it felt better than cold rain after a hot and humid summer’s day. “Let’s seal this with a dance, hm?”
Samantha squeezed his hand and stood. “I would love that.”
They walked out to the dance floor hand in hand, but soon Martin’s hands found her waist and Samantha’s arms rested on his shoulders, keeping him close. The song was faster than he was anticipating, but he was too wrapped up in the woman in his arms, who took the chance to ignore him and fight for them, to make him see her point.
More to the point, she agreed to try harder, and he couldn’t wait to see how that would go. Deep down he did have his reservations, but he wasn’t going to allow their relationship to get worse. She knew how he felt and what he wanted. If things became what they were two weeks ago, it was going to be over fast and that would be it. She knew that now. She knew he had run out of patience.
In a way, he fell more in love with her seeing her at the church earlier. He couldn’t believe that she would fight for them. He never assumed she would, but here she was, meeting his family, laughing with his mother and pleading to be given another chance. He felt lucky. He was going to ensure things worked properly and looked forward to showing her off.
Their lips met a few times and his heart sped. Today was the start of something new and great. He couldn’t wait for the future.